Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

What makes you think that former U.S. President Donald Trump's legal team has already been laying the groundwork for an appeal in the hush money trial?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What are the challenges associated with the birth narratives of Jesus?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have a reading level above third grade

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Why do liberals think same-sex marriage is alright? The Bible makes it very clear that it's not alright to be gay, why can't liberals understand that?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I can read

How many wishes do people get on their birthday?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

What does the Bible say about the Antichrist? How will we know when he arrives on the scene?

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

How do you know when someone really loves you?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

What kind of pleasure do gay men get from being bottom? The idea is very appealing to me but in practice it's quite painful.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand how hurricane paths work

Can I use the LEG PRESS to build muscle?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What do you think about the NFA full auto band? Weapons built before 1986 can be transferred and registered? But we can't have an 87? But older weapons tend to be far more powerful. I think we should drop it. Input?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

What do most wives fantasize about?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I can count

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I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I actually pay taxes

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I see through liars

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup